Recently my friend, Dale Clock, wrote an article entitled “Should Funeral Homes Be In The Grief Business?” His position is that they should not for several reasons including:

• The formal involvement in “Grief” has failed to move the needle
• Not everyone needs it
• It is an indication we are failing to listen to the public

I commented on the article to Dale and said I appreciated his taking a “Contrarian” stand but I didn’t agree with him.  But (and this is important) I hoped that strong stands like his would spark necessary debate and discussion about the topic that might help crystallize our business model for the good of all.

In the several weeks since the article appeared I have had a hard time getting it off my mind.  First, because it underscored, for me, that we are a profession with a serious identity problem.  We no longer know where we fit.  Second, there was only one other comment, indicating either that no one cared or no one had an alternative.  Or maybe they were so stunned they didn’t know how to start.  And third, perhaps he was right.  Certainly he is right in acknowledging that it has not drawn the public closer to us.  Certainly he is right that we are not listening as we should to our public.  But I stop short in believing we should abandon all and move it all to nothingness.  In fact, I strongly believe that if we don’t provide opportunities for life expression among boomers they will find an alternative rather than go without.

Some years ago I pointed out the very real and potentially imminent possibility that funeral service as we know it may be becoming irrelevant.  There was general assent but no debate.  Now I see that word popping up with some frequency in articles and speeches.

Not long ago I attended a breakfast honoring famed football coach Nick Saban.  He shared with us that he always told his teams that “We don’t come here to be irrelevant.”

Well, neither do I.

So what will it take to be relevant?  First, read Dale’s article.  Hopefully, it will stir you somehow.  It matters not whether good or bad.  Hopefully, it will wake you up and cause you to begin to reflect internally:  What business are we in?  This is a much deeper question than you might imagine.  Personally, as I have watched us struggle for an answer I find the commonly hasty conclusions and opinions to be shallow at best and hopelessly misled at worst.  Try this for an exercise:

The word relevant comes from the latin relevare which means to relieve or lift up.  Hmmm!  Somehow, I sense that is a connection to the social contribution we make to our culture and society.  Death is a disruptive and disturbing event. The process brings relief and order out of chaos. (my opinion).  Using this definition what business should we be in.

Fair Warning: since this is my commentary you should know that it is my personal opinion that suggestions we are in the “event” business are a gross oversimplification of the human emotional range of needs.  I wonder if the trend toward circus acts isn’t beginning to overserve our customers.  In the words of Peter Drucker “Doing those things increasingly well that should not be done at all.”

Well, Dale, now we are both “stick-pokers.”  Hopefully, between the two of us we have offended someone enough to say “ouch.” And maybe they will care enough to take us on so we can move the discussion and begin moving the needle.