In the past few weeks I have used strong negative language:

Cowardice…Fight… Neglect  

Please understand: this is not an emotional reaction on my part.  Instead, it is an intentional effort to call you out.  And it is this “intentionality” that I encourage you to undertake as well.  It is time we, as a profession, called out our “NaySayers” and detractors, our “doom and gloomers.”

Have I made you angry?  I cannot say I am sorry.  You should be angry.  At least I have created some emotion and out of that emotion may come some resolve and out of that resolve may come some action.

This past two weeks have taught me the difference between sadness and discouragement.

Thankfully, I am not discouraged.  But I am sad.  Very sad.  And sadness has an effect…an enervating effect.

I am feeling your pain.

That pain comes from having the answers to your client’s questions but facing an increasing number of people who are less and less interested in answers.  I have that same pain.  In most instances, I know what needs to be done to turn a business around.  A bold statement? Really?  In most instances, you know what needs to be done to best help a family.  Likewise, my experience and training enable me to know what needs to be done to solve most business problems.  In my case, if it is a parallel, our profession seems fixated on a direction that, for more than 30 years, has produced only more of the same…decline.  I have learned that tact and diplomacy can work; but not often.  So, I have chosen a tactic that I think you should adopt as well: Boldness.  After all, most of you have lost so much ground that you can only gain.

My sadness comes from the awareness that I can’t win them all.  My optimism, though, comes from my unwillingness to give up.  My willingness to fight for what I believe.  From the cold, stark fact that I know that if I give in (even just a little bit) the battle is lost.  More important, though, is the experience that the more I am willing to take a stand the more I win…some.

Never, Never, Never...Give Up

When someone attacks your profession you should be willing to stand up and defend it.  Whether you chose to be a DeathCare Professional or you inherited it, you are in it.  So, make the best of it.  Misery and embarrassment are pathetic alternatives.

How To TurboCharge Your Marketing

There is a principle in marketing…a turbocharger, if you will.

“When a product / service is becoming a commodity You can differentiate yourself by letting people know what you stand for”

Unfortunately, most DeathCare providers are too timid to take bold stands.   Bold enough, at least, to differentiate themselves in the market place.  Instead, they create sanitized vision and mission statements for hanging in lobbies that are quickly forgotten and largely ignored.  In fact, most vision and mission statements are so sanitized they are commodities themselves.

Steve McKee in his video interview on Narrowing Your Focus says we should never say we are better.  Instead we should say we are…different.

I challenge my clients and their staffs to do some real soul searching and develop a “Statement of Beliefs”.   Yes, I can hear you now:  “Could we see a sample?”  No!  A Statement of Beliefs has to be individual, real and personal to your firm.  You can’t borrow someone else’s and just “stamp” it on your door.  There has to be total buy in.  It is built through a process.  But here are a few of the questions I use to stimulate the process:

  • Do you really believe the quality of casket defines the value of the funeral?
  • Do you really believe that increasing the average sale price of caskets is going to save your business?
  • Do you really believe every 95 year old alzheimer patient who has lived in a nursing home for 3 years needs a full visitation, funeral, procession and graveside service?
  • Do you really believe that the family and friends of a 62 year old “pillar of the community” popular local businessman and former mayor are going to be well served by a direct cremation?
Here, also, is my personal Statement of Beliefs:
  • I believe every life has value
  • I believe every life deserves to be commemorated in a meaningful way
  • I believe those whose lives have been touched in positive ways both want and need a physical way to be comforted and / or to comfort
  • I believe that most people still perceive the dead body of those they love as a sacred object deserving of reverent care whether or not they are religious people
  • I believe that the best and most natural way to comfort one another is physically, in person, with touch and voice
  • I believe that some people need a permanent place to memorialize
  • I believe DeathCare makes a valuable contribution to society by providing a formal, socially recognized physically present means for comfort, affirmation and encouragement, in whatever form they choose, coincident with the time of a death.
  • I believe most DeathCare providers are good people who are capable of learning the basics of good business and management practices

I have put a lot of time and thought into these recent articles.  It is not my purpose to persuade you or to give you false hope.

But it is my hope that some of you will decide to become intentional and bold in your own efforts.

That some of you will begin to take a public stand for your profession.

That some of you will think deeply about what it is we contribute to those we serve and why our society will be worse off if it abandons what we offer.

Then, in your own words…for god’s sake…express yourself.  Be proud of what you do and the contribution you make to your community.  Let others see that pride.  Let the chips fall where they may.  The results will probably surprise you.

The next time you are out socially and someone blows you off by saying, “Oh, I’m just going to be cremated and have my ashes scattered.”   Are you willing to say, “Ya know, I realize that’s become popular but I’m not good with that any more and I would like to tell you why.”  Then tell your stories (I know you have them).  Make it non economic.  Speak to the heart not the head.  You may not win them over but you never had them in the first place.  So how you can you lose something you never had.  Yes, you do run the risk of alienating someone.  But something I have learned in 40 years of adult life:  There are, in fact, people who don’t like “Truth Tellers”.  and, you know what?  They just happen to be the people you don’t want to know anyway.  Then, when you have become comfortable with that experience begin challenging the direct disposition customers in the arrangement conference.  Remember challenge is different than confront.

Because The Real Victims of Our Cowardice (borne out of our neurotic desire to be liked by people that probably don’t like us any way) are the people we have pledged to help.

One Last Time:

Your livelihood is at stake!!  What do you want?? Do you want me to tell you it’s someone else’s fault?  Or do you want to get in there and fight for yourself and those you love?

“lift up the hands that hang down and the feeble knees; make straight paths for your feet…”

Hebrews 12:12-13a

“The noble man makes noble plans, and by noble deeds he stands”

Isaiah 32:8