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Tag: funeral home consulting

Why I Am Not A Funeral Home Broker

Why I Am Not A Funeral Home Broker

Jack B. Stalk has a special goose. His goose lays a single golden egg every year. That annual egg has enabled Jack to live in a nice home, drive a luxury car, take nice vacations, eat well, put his four kids through college and be a well-respected member of the community.

One day a goose broker approaches Jack and his wife, Edith, saying, “I think I could get someone to give you seven golden eggs for that goose.”

Jack and Edith had never seen that many eggs in one place before. They were excited and gave the broker permission to find a buyer. He did better than expected and got eight eggs. Of course, Jack and Edith could only keep six after they paid the broker fees and sent Uncle Sam his share. Nevertheless, they had more eggs than they had ever had at one time.

Unfortunately, Jack and Edith soon discovered that they couldn’t maintain their lifestyle without eating some of the eggs. Worse, consuming an egg meant they had to eat even more eggs. Six eggs wouldn’t last their lifetime.

Here is the difference:

Tom Lynch once said:

“A good funeral is one that gets the dead where they need to go and the living where they need to be.”

To paraphrase Tom:

“A good Succession Plan is one that focuses first on where you need to be and then, when it’s time to sell, on getting the best price with the most efficient tax structure.”

A broker’s job is to sell your goose for the most eggs in a one – time event. A noble goal but, in my opinion, freezing egg production doesn’t meet the real needs of most owners.

In a sense, as a Certified Exit Planner, I am more concerned with where clients need to be. This means considering the whole picture:

  • Your current and future financial needs
  • The value of your goose (now and in the future)
  • Replacing annual egg production rather than a one-time egg harvest

Download the WhitePaper:  Why Selling Your Business Can’t Pay For Your Retirement. Click the Icon below.

5 Ways To Breathe Life Into Your Business

This week I was privileged to be interviewed by Sebastian Thalhammer of Austria. You may or may not have heard of Sebastian but he is a pretty interesting media guru who somehow decided I had something to say. So, Here is my “15 minutes of fame.”

Actually, it’s 45 minutes but it does have some interesting insights on how to compete more effectively and some resources you can access to help you do it.

Get yourself a cup of coffee…or a beer, relax and learn something.

Here is what I would do:

This interview may inspire some dialogue in your business. If I were you I would schedule a staff meeting, bring in some popcorn, cast the video onto one of your monitors (I know you have them). After you finish it these questions might spark a positive dialogue:

  1. What were Alan and Sebastian saying about the market that we are seeing?
  2. How could we respond or assimilate to realize a competitive advantage?
  3. What could we do that might make an impact today?
  4. What should we be planning for today that will make a difference by next year?
  5. Who will do it?

New & Improved Funeral Home Valuator

I have chosen to celebrate the re launch of my new website with an updated and improved funeral home valuation calculator.

This calculator is part of my effort to help practitioners access quick and easy tools that will help them make better choices for their business.

You can use these calculators any time and as often as you would like. I especially like the idea of using them for “what if” modeling. But, hey, I am analyst by nature.

When you use this calculator I receive an anonymous copy. I am not sure why I get it because I can’t tell who it is from.  Any way. I noticed with my old calculator that people weren’t entering their data correctly. So, I expanded it and included a brief tutorial to help with it’s use. Notice, I have included several test calculations to help you judge whether you are entering the data correctly.

as always: if you need help call me at 919.926.0688.

How to Make Change More Fun And Effective

 

It seems like funeral service has been talking about change for my entire career of almost 40 years. Sometimes it gets a little…well you know…boring.

It seems like everything changes:

  • Families
  • Employees
  • Laws

 

While we all feel stuck and even depressed as we try to accommodate (rather assimilate and build) what we feel like is out of our control.

It’s depressing and, judging from the phone calls i am getting, discouraging.

Well here’s something new

Something upbeat and encouraging…a new way of looking at things.

 

 

 

 

 

How to find the bright spot

 

https://youtu.be/zbLNOS7MxFc

The Intentional Funeral Director

What is an Intentional Funeral Director?

Some years ago I attended a Men’s Retreat at my church.

The plan was that we would all ride to the camp on the church bus. What the pastor told us before we climbed on board set the whole tone.

He said:

“Some people rise above their circumstances and some people see themselves as victims… for the next two days…no matter how real or reasonable the reasons for our circumstances we will make no excuses.”

That’s a lot harder than it sounds. Things happen and sometimes we really don’t have control but here is what we all learned:

When you allow yourself to make excuses you don’t take personal responsibility. When you don’t take personal responsibility, after a while, you start to see yourself as a victim…the result is often anger, self – pity, and, because you have self – identified as a victim, you begin to think you have no hope. And when you think you have no hope, nothing is your fault, you actually begin to learn to like your circumstances.

Intentional people act with intention. They never let themselves think like a victim. Yes, they get angry and experience disappointment and frustration. But they are deliberate and intentional about their future. They may not know what to do or, even, how to do it but they know that they can’t stay where they are.

Intentional people tend to be learners. They may or may not seek higher education. But they are always learning… what works and doesn’t work. They seek mentors and read and ask questions. They ask why and why not?

Intentional people see assumptions and paradigms as challenges. Are they true? if so, ok. If not what else can we do?

Intentional people tend to see from an “abundance” perspective: “What can I gain.” Scarcity is the prevailing perspective in funeral service: “What can I lose.” It is interesting that intentional people tend to be generous with others and love to see others grow and succeed too.

Intentional people want to have a plan. Even though they understand that plans rarely survive contact with reality, plans help them compare and contrast so they can make adjustments.

Intentional people want to have goals, short and long term. They want to know they aren’t standing still.

Intentional Funeral Directors are the ones who keep us moving in the right direction

What Would You Pay?

Big Question!! How much should the value of a funeral home be discounted if the facility is being sold for other use?

A funeral home in your area has accepted an offer for their real estate that is much greater than the business is worth. How much would you discount the value of the business if you were able to buy the name, phone number and files as well as any other equipment?

Let’s say the business WITH the real estate is valued at $1,500,000. Their business is steady and the owner is willing to help in transition but plans on retiring as soon as possible.  What would you be willing to pay?

Hint:

  • Assuming a market with average competition I believe closing a facility and transitioning to new ownership could impact 30% to 50% of volume
    • If it is in a two competitor small town I would lean toward 50% if it wasn’t sold to the competitor

I know “IT DEPENDS” but let’s get some collective opinion going here. Give me your ideas in the comments section. I will answer all questions and publish my “mathematical” approach (if someone else doesn’t” in two weeks.

War Stories welcome!

Difficult Conversations For Those Who Hate Conflict

Funeral directors are notorious for being conflict avoidant. Yet they have a job where they must engage in difficult conversations with staff, vendors and their customers.

I used to attend a church with a pastor who would go to bizarre lengths to avoid conflict. He was beloved by the congregation and staff alike. But the administration was a train wreck. Amazingly, one word changed his whole perspective. More on that later.

8 insights for engaging in difficult conversations for those who hate conflict

1. Always be clear about what YOU want. Never engage in a difficult conversation in the heat of the moment. The mistake a lot of people make is they focus on the negative. Instead focus on the desired outcome. Know in advance the outcome you want. It also helps to know why you want it. If an employee is consistently ignoring established systems, what you want might be compliance. Or a disruptive member of a family you are serving might need to be made aware that their behavior is in conflict with the outcome THEY should want. With staff discipline don’t phrase things as warnings or probation. Clearly state your expectations.

2. Begin from a place of respect and curiosity. Edgar Schein, a renowned expert in organizational development, calls it “appreciative inquiry”. Being forced to have a difficult conversation doesn’t necessarily mean the other person is a “bad” person. Taking an interest in the other’s viewpoint and seeking to understand THEM automatically creates an atmosphere for progress.

3. Stop worrying about being liked. Conflict avoiders are usually preoccupied with their likability. People who are clear and direct and enable others to always know where they are coming from are almost always liked and respected more than the doormat.

4. Focus on what you are hearing not what you are saying. As long as you are clear about what YOU want it is much better to listen than it is to talk. Once you express the purpose of the conversation you should do much more listening than talking. Mirroring the other person’s viewpoint and repeating in your own words to make sure you understand them correctly can help you figure out what to do next.

5. Say it! People like people who are direct but not abrasive. They want to know what you want, how you feel and where they stand. Be direct, honest and clear. Don’t beat around the bush. Don’t spend time on unrelated conversation or hesitate.

6. Do it now but don’t do it mad! I learned a long time ago not to address difficult conversations emotionally. Sometimes I just need to calm down and put some space between me and an event. NEVER EVER let it be personal. So waiting a few hours or even a few days is OK. But waiting weeks and months is not. No one likes a “stamp collector” (one who saves up criticism to unload it all at once).

7. Expect a positive outcome. Even if that outcome is something undesirable outcomes should be a step forward not backward. Worse yet is to leave something UNRESOLVED.

8. Don’t equivocate.  Compassion is one thing. Cowardice is something else entirely. Misplaced compassion can cause you to defer discipline or lower expectations. Assuming you are clear about what you want…stand your ground.

About that pastor and the miracle word.

The situation at the church reached a crisis and the board brought in a church consultant. His advice to the pastor:

“stop seeing conflict as confrontation. Instead think of yourself as helping others with CLARIFICATION. It was absolutely amazing to see the results as the pastor began clarifying expectations.”

Merchandising Urn Arks


I think I saw my first Urn Ark around 20 years ago. I was immediately taken and still consider it to be the best way to dignify the ceremony in a cremation. Most funeral homes that use them… and, sadly, too many do not…don’t charge for them. That practice doesn’t bother me but I do think things of value should have a price. But that is not the purpose of this post.

The other day I was visiting my friend, Danny Jefferson, of Pierce – Jefferson Funeral Home in Kernersville, NC. Danny is a true innovator. So, as is my practice, while I was waiting for him to finish up what he was doing I wandered around the funeral home. With Danny there is always a good chance you will learn something.

When I wandered into his arrangement office I noticed this display.

If you click on the small images they get a little bigger. so I added a larger image for your convenience. That’s a wooden urn in the center.

When Danny came in I complimented on the display. His urn ark had always been displayed but not with flowers. He told me he had a new onsite florist and she had decorated it for a service that afternoon.

WHAT I WOULD DO

If it were me I would buy some high quality silk flowers and display it with flowers and a high quality urn all the time. I would, of course, sell the arrangement but I would also add a small charge (say $75) for the rental of the ark.  I would have the designer create 3 or 4 floral themes including a military one and have photos displayed above it.

I think you would use it more, sell more and maybe even get a couple of ceremonies you wouldn’t have gotten in the first place. In the service that afternoon the 3 daughters were going to carry it to the gravesite.

IF YOU HAVE GOOD IDEAS YOU WOULD LIKE TO SHARE WHY NOT SEND THEM TO ME AND I WILL FEATURE THE WORTHY ONES.

Funeral Service and Post Traumatic Stress

stressed-man-620jt081512After the Newton Massacre I brought up the issue of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder in a blog entitled:

PTSD: The Slow Leak in Funeral Service’ Tire

I got so many responses I republished it as:

The Unspoken Affliction:PTSD and the Funeral Director

Since then I have received a number of comments and participated in several discussions on the topic. Today I received a post on the blog from a funeral director in the United Kingdom. It is so well spoken that in hopes it might help someone to know they are not alone I got permission to make it a blog of its own.

I would like to chime in here with my experiences, as your article has opened my eyes to what I have been going through in recent years.

I worked in two stints (one of four years and one of two) for a funeral director here in the UK. I have in the past described the ‘switching on and off’ of emotional awareness during removals to people in exactly the same way as your original poster and I too have had (for want of a better phrase) ‘flash backs’. The dream state situation described mirrors that of my own, also reported to me by my wife, whereby I was apparently regurgitating a traumatic scene my partner and I attended one evening a few years back.

Reading the original post has opened my eyes somewhat as I too felt that PTSD was something that could only affect first responders, military personnel and the like and my father, who was a firefighter for his entire working career never showed any signs of it, despite attending many extreme death incidents. I guess in a simple way this made me feel almost ‘disentitled’ to such a state.

What has genuinely surprised me the most though, is reading some of the subsequent posts regarding removal ‘variety’, trauma, and the poster being only 25; I was a mere 22 when I started, received no official training of any kind (I vaguely recall being shown for about 5 minuted how to walk in step when bearing a coffin!), no counselling or formal appraisal as to how I was coping, and attended a huge variety of incidents from the word go – on my first morning for example, shortly after breakfast I was shown an extensive post-mortem involving a lady who was cut from the mastoid process to the groin area. This threw me into a sort of ‘cold’ state where for several days I went into my shell. Despite wanting to quit, I pushed through and very quickly, almost (once again) like the flick of a switch, I became sort of numb to it. Only recently have I started to realise how unhealthy this may be.

I would also like to point out (again after reading one or two of the subsequent posts), that I wholeheartedly believe everything the original poster has said. Here in the UK, at least where I worked and across the entire patch, the funeral director does everything when it comes to removals. No coroner is present and the first doctor or medical personal have usually finished and left by the time we arrived. If someone was smashed beyond recognition by a truck, we put gloves on and picked up the bits. If someone was hanging, we cut them down with the only real help being (if we were lucky) prior experience from an older, more experienced duty partner.

On occasions, where the death was thought to be murder, we would attend alongside Scenes of Crime Officers, but we would usually still be the ones bagging and removing the body, usually under police escort.

The only warning we got prior to attending a harrowing scene was (if the control telephonist had knowledge of the gory nature) a quick “just to warn you it might be a messy one” type of prompt. One could almost say there was a macho element to coping wit things like this, as if we were all supposed to take it in our stride and feel nothing. Car crashes (RTIs / RTAs) and hangings seemed to me to be the most common incidents outside of the more ‘regular’ deaths, but I can of course speak only from experience.

I’d like to finish by saying that whilst there is obviously varied levels of training, support and regulation on offer, mine being minimal to say the least, a universal recognition of the very strong likelihood of PTSD being prevalent in the funeral trade needs to develop. I’d like to see this happen to protect the mental wellbeing of the people attending these scenes and dealing with the bereaved. I would also like to point out, that I have no grievance, issue or anger whatsoever toward the company I worked for.

Thanks for letting me share my story, it is the first time I have done so.

Once again I urge the national trade associations to embrace this issue as part of their agenda to support the practitioner.

Conventional Incentives Don’t Work As Well As They Used To

ohio-state-helmetThe conventional incentive rewards the individual…usually with something monetary. Like so many things, incentives have evolved and become more complicated than a simple financial incentive.

Not everyone is money motivated. A personal example: As long as I am earning what I need, money is not a motivator for me. I am, instead, motivated by discovery and results. I am energized when I am able to find better ways to achieve better results. When the results happen I want to do it again. Nothing else works for me. Some people say I am motivated by helping people. I am always pleased when I can do that but improvement in their lives is my measuring stick. I want to be the catalyst that helps them “ratchet up”

Millenials have been under scrutiny regarding what might possibly motivate them. It turns out it is simpler but counterintuitive. Their motivation comes from alignment with their values and their values are heavily invested in the social side of life.

This Harvard Business Review post speaks to the transformation of incentive from individual to team. It makes sense to me.

CLICK HERE TO READ THE HARVARD ARTICLE

 

Buy Sell: The Texas Shoot Out Provision

gunslingerI love the story of two little boys fighting over the last piece of cake. Mom comes into the kitchen as they are pushing and shoving and with “Solomon – like” wisdom says,

“Johnny, Billy, there is enough for both of you. Johnny I want you to cut the cake into two pieces and Billy you get to choose which piece you want”

So it is with business partners. 

I am often asked to develop transition plans for businesses to be passed on to children. Occasionally parents insist on a 50/50 split. I don’t like these arrangements because they instantly create governance issues. My response is to always push the family to come up with a FORMAL plan on how they will “break the tie” in future disagreements and include that plan in the by – laws.

But my all – time favorite is the “Texas Shoot Out” Provision to be included in the buy – sell agreement.

It’s very simple:

Johnny can offer to buy Billy out at any time for a specific non negotiable price.

Billy has only two options:

  1. He must either accept Johnny’s offer; or
  2. Offer to buy Johnny out for exactly the same terms.

If Billy chooses #2 and reverses the offer Johnny MUST accept it.

Of course it could be Billy making the first offer to Johnny.

Either way, once one party makes an offer, the other MUST accept it or reverse it. Refusal to do either constitutes acceptance.

Kinda keeps things above board.

Rice Paddy to Rice Paddy in 3 Generations

pass-batonSociologists have discovered there is a saying in every culture that is best illustrated by the title to this article (which is the Chinese version). Basically, it refers to the lowly peasant who works hard to break out of the rice paddy life by starting a business which he then passes on to his heirs. The heirs live off his efforts for a generation but their heirs are back in the rice paddy. So what is the difference between family businesses that thrive for multiple generations and those that don’t?

I have just returned from a visit to see Schoedinger Funeral Home’s (Columbus, OH) newest facility. WOW!! If you want to see the future go see it.

But that’s not my point. Schoedinger’s is now in their sixth generation. Some day maybe they will let me do a case study. But I have known them for years as well as a few others like them and their are some common characteristics.

Some of the basics that you most commonly see is an ingrained respect for one another, treating the business as a business not a means to a lifestyle, minimizing that sense of entitlement, clearly defining roles, intentionally developing skills and gifts and a solid, formal governance structure.

As an aside, I recently worked with a family on their succession plan. The parents insisted that the two children have equal ownership. My response? I challenged the successors to work together to come up with a formal system of governance that would clearly address the question: “how are you going to break a tie?” I expect one of two things to happen: a) they will demonstrate they can’t break a tie…or, b) they will come up with a plan.

Back to my original point: How do families succeed beyond 2 or 3 generations?

Kennesaw State University’s Cox Family Enterprise says that, for those families that succeed, succession planning is built into their DNA. There is no entitlement only merit. Yes, you get a genetic preference but you MUST be able to contribute meaningfully to have a management role. This means an intentional plan to:

  • Expose potential successors to all aspects of the business
    • operations
    • finance
    • management
    • vendor relations
    • vision casting
  • Be fully transparent
    • with each other
    • about true competency
    • roles
  • Have a clear sense of mission
    • Know who you are
      • and who you aren’t
    • have clear expectations
    • hold stakeholders accountable for results
  • Everyone earns their role
    • You don’t get to be an officer until you demonstrate ability

Of course, not everyone wants to be a multi generation business. But, if you do, being intentional about it through a clear plan is a requirement.